he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
