i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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