i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
