You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
