True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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