i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize