Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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