At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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