he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
