If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
