I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
