i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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