This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize