I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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