4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize