i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
