And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
