Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
