Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
