I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
