I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
When did angry sex become our thing?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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