Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
