eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
