D3 body, D1 cock
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
