a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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