You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
