Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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