ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
