I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
