Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
