note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
