how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
