so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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