I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
two words: eviction party
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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