wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
