Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Randomize
