you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
