I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
