I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
