yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
