it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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