Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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