just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
