I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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