You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
