He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
