We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
