and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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