when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
