Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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