It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
