I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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