Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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