There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
