You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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