im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize