It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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