A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
