I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
