just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
