So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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