oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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