Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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