he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
