you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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