I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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