My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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