Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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