I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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