he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
