just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
