If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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