I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
