when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
