i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
