new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
