you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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