Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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