Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Enjoy the penises
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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