Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
